“I had the same childhood probably a lot of people had. I was raised by Christian parents, in a Christian home, and rarely missed a Sunday at church. I was saved at the age of six. I asked Jesus into my heart because I knew that was the only way I would spend forever with Him and Heaven sounded like a really cool place to spend eternity. The other place didn’t sound so good. Growing up i was always teased about being a “goody-too-shoes”. I would ask my mom what was so wrong with that? It didn’t sound that bad to me! Why would someone want to do the wrong thing? I was naive. I tried to save all my friends every recess from spending forever in that not-so-good place. So you can see, I was teased quite a bit.
Through junior high and high school I was a part of the schools cheerleading squads. That “upped my coolness” a little. Always staying out of trouble (besides the occasional TP and tagging of cars). Didn’t even have my first kiss until my Junior year. I was saving myself for marriage. I even had a promise ring I wore to God that I would remain a virgin until marriage. I had a pretty spotless track record until my last couple months of high school. Those are two months I have regretted for a long time.
All it took was one night, one party, and one drink of alcohol to change the complete path of my life at that time. All of a sudden i had guys wanting to date me that I never had, and girls wanting to be my “friend” that I always wanted. I thought I had it all. I was even more naive. . The lure of drinking and being popular was my new addiction.
That summer I tried out and made the cheerleading squad at Missouri State University. I went down for a cheerleading camp before school started. There again, one night changed everything. Drank too much and was charmed by, at the time I thought, had to be the most good looking guy I had ever seen. Didn’t take much to make this virgin go weak in the knees. That night I broke the promise to God I swore i would never break. I remember crying in the shower the next morning knowing I was ruined. Disgusting. I would never be the same person. I would never be able to get that moment back. I was amazed at how easily I fell when I thought I was so strong. But there was one BIG enabler, besides his “good looks”: alcohol.
I went back down a couple weeks later to officially start the school year. What a way to start one of the most challenging years of my life. Feeling like I was worthless. No surprise, I fell back into the trap again. Drinking then finding myself wanting acceptance from a guy to fill the hole the other guy left. Amazingly after I had given a guy everything he wanted, he didn’t want me back?
After being used and discarded like nothing, not so surprisingly it started to change the way I saw myself. I couldn’t look in the mirror without wondering what it was that they didn’t or did see. Was my nose really that big? Maybe I am too fat? A question I wish I would have never thought. After being there a few months, I weighed at my heaviest 130 lbs. For a college cheerleader tho, I was treated like I didn’t weigh a pound less than 250 lbs. I would hear girls whispering “she needs a bigger uniform”. Or the guys not wanting to stunt with me because of the little extra poundage. I wish I could say I started working out and lived happily ever after, but I decided to the quick and easy fix: Just throw up after every meal. ( I told you this is a story I am not the most proud of).
It worked for a little while, but this “quick fix” only got me a long time of trying to get over a disorder that is not so easy to break once started. This all leads to the one day that changed my life.
I was taking a friend back to another college on a Sunday morning towards the end of my freshman year. It was only about 20 minutes away. I never thought we wouldn’t make it there. After making a slight turn left on a curvy road in the woods, I lost control of my car. I remember over correcting and the next thing I knew the car was flipping end over end, side over side. I still hear the crunch of the metal as the car would land on my side after every flip, and glass shattering. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, the car stopped. I got out lucky, no, blessed to be alive. My car, ’98 Cavalier, was totaled. I was rushed to the hospital on a stretcher and immediately scanned for injury. After all the damage, the passenger ended up with a cut on his hand I ended up with mild head trauma after my backseat hit me on the head on it’s way out of the car.
A policeman went with my dad to the wreck sight later that night to see the damage. Not knowing the story, the policeman asked “How many fatalities?” My dad said none. The guy was in shock. He told my dad that he had seen wrecks with half as much damage where every person was killed. Not only was that amazing, but out of all the woods along the road we happened to lose control and flip into the only open field for miles. Missing a pole by less than a foot (judging by the divet my car left by it as it flipped). A few weeks later I got a call from a man that had seen my wreck and said he had to call me. Over those few weeks he couldn’t get what he saw out of his head. He couldn’t believe that we made it out alive. Just the sight of it was haunting him.
If you look at the picture of my wreck you will see a clear spot on the car above our seats where God’s hand had clearly been.
I wish I could say after that day and God saving my life that I was a new person, but I wasn’t. Not even close. I did, however, make a promise to try to change. It was the 5 year anniversary of the wreck this past February 24th. So much has changed in that 5 years. Not only have I not thrown up after a meal in years, not had a drink in years, fixed my relationship with my parents, but I became a born again virgin. After I made that commitment I met and married the love of my life (the most good looking guy I have ever seen ;)). We have been married for 2 years and 3 months and were blessed with a beautiful six month old baby girl. I still have challenges every day even though they might not be a serious as they were before, but by the grace of God I am alive. Until the day I die I will never be ashamed to profess God’s grace and unconditional love. After all that I had done, to Him, I was never too far gone to save. He was always there waiting to give me the life I always wanted. I just had to make the choice to do what it takes for Him.”
For those of you who know me some of that might seem shocking. I am not ashamed, nor do I regret any of it. If I had not gone through what I did, I wouldn’t be as close to God as I am today. My spiritual transformation has made me want to transform mentally, and physically. It gives me motivation to be the best for Him in every area of my life.
It is important to share your testimony, “And he did not permit him but said to him, “Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” Mark 5:19.
If you’d like people to know your story or you would like to talk to me about mine, email me at : email@example.com